…is something we generally suck at.
When it comes to going back on something we said we were going to do, our default is to:
· Say nothing about it at all, hoping no one notices, or
· Have excuses why it didn’t and won’t get done, or
· Tell ourselves or others we didn’t really mean that or didn’t actually promise, or
· Blame it on Tony.
Ugh, Tony.
Anyway yeah, when it comes to being coached by you, us clients are apt to get excited and give our word to ambitious plans. And that’s a good thing!
But you can count on those plans to sometimes fall through, and no longer seem like the good, practical, or even viable approach we sincerely thought it was.
And you can count on us to default be garbage at addressing that powerfully.
Sometimes for your clients, there is to admit, to self, to you as coach, to the world that “Yeah, that thing I said I was gonna do? I’m not gonna do that.”
If we don’t do this powerfully, there are a few predictable consequences:
· Ambition will seem like a less good idea, and we’ll temper accordingly
· We’ll know ourselves more as failures, blowhards who don’t or can’t follow through
· Being coached by you will become associated with a source of feeling bad
So please guide us clients to do this powerfully, not just sweeping whatever incompletions under the rug. Do this so there’s no lingering aftertaste of failure, and so that your coaching relationship remains a safe space for lofty ambition.
How do you powerfully revoke your word?
Acknowledge what’s so. Here’s what happened, here’s what’s not done, here’s how or why earlier intentions were derailed (just the facts, no long-winded excuse-making).
Clean up messes, if any. If there’s anyone besides yourself who was depending on or expecting the thing you promised, let ‘em know it’s not happening and take responsibility for any fallout. It’s important not to be a weasel trying to let things slide: they’ll know, they always do. Better to build trust in a (possibly awkward) conversation than let it erode in silence.
Revisit relevant commitments. Whatever you were planning to do was inside of SOME worthy commitment. Check in to see if that commitment is still present, and still worthy. Doing so will inform the next step.
Declare what’s next. Informed by whatever experience and intel was gained by this failed foray, create whatever promise or game plan is a suitable replacement for the one being revoked.
This is not a rigid formula.
Some cocktail of these practices will do the trick.
You can usually knock it out in 2 minutes or less.
Don’t skip over it.